English Teaching Theatre
Listen and Respond


Speech Skills Acquisition Sketch 4 The Doctor 

The doctor is sitting at his desk. The telephone rings: the student-doctor is calling.
Doctor Hello?
Student Doctor Watson?
Doctor Yes?
Student My names Smith.
Doctor Whats the matter with you?
Student Nothing, doctor. Im fine.
Doctor Really? In that case, why are you calling?
Student Well, Im a doctor.
Doctor You're a doctor?
Student Actually, Im a student-doctor.
Doctor Youre a student?
Student - doctor.
Doctor Yes?
Student Er...Im a student-doctor.
Doctor Ah! A student-doctor!
Student Yes, Im studying to be a doctor, doctor.
Doctor A doctor-doctor? Whats a doctor-doctor?
Student Well, youre a doctor, doctor.
Doctor Am I?
Student Yes, and Id like to come and watch you working.
Doctor Fine. Come any time. Goodbye.
The doctor puts the telephone down. There is a knock at the door.
Doctor Come in!
The patient enters. He has one arm in a sling.
Patient Good morning, doctor.
Doctor (To the patient) Ah, you must be the student-doctor.
Patient Pardon?
Doctor Student-doctor.
Patient Student-doctor? No, actually, Im - Doctor. Sit down.
The patient sits down.
Doctor Now, you want to watch me working.
Patient Er...No, actually, I'm not a -
There is another knock at the door.
Doctor Ah. Thatll be my first patient. Come in!
The student-doctor comes in.
Student Good morning, doctor.
Doctor Good morning. (To the student-doctor, indicating the patient) This is a student- doctor. Hes come to watch me working. (To the patient, indicating the student- doctor) This is a patient. Im going to ask her a few questions.
Student Doctor?
Doctor Yes?
Student Im a student-doctor.
Doctor Really?
Student Yes.
Doctor (To the patient, indicating the student-doctor) Shes a student-doctor. Like you.
Patient Im not a student-doctor.
Doctor Youre not a student?
Patient - doctor.
Doctor Yes?
Student I think hes a patient, doctor.
Doctor A patient doctor? Thats marvellous! Patient doctors are the best kind.
Student No! Im a student-doctor - hes a patient.
Doctor Im a student-doctor - hes a patient.
Patient No! Im a patient - you're a doctor.
Doctor Im a patient - youre a doctor.
Patient/Student No!!
Student You're a doctor - hes a patient!
Doctor Youre a doctor - hes a patient!
Patient/Student No!!
Patient Youre a doctor - shes a student-doctor.
Doctor Youre a doctor - shes a student-doctor.
Patient/Student No!!
Student(Indicating) Student-doctor... doctor... patient, doctor.
Patient (Indicating) Patient...doctor...student-doctor, doctor.
Doctor (Pointing in various directions) Doctor, doctor, doctor, doctor, doctor, doctor! (Indicating correctly) Patient...doctor...student-doctor.
Student Yes!!
Doctor Well, Im glad thats all clear. Goodbye.
Student Doctor?
Doctor Yes?
Student I think you should examine the patient.
Doctor Examine him?
Student Find out whats wrong.
Doctor What a good idea! Now, when you examine a patient, the first thing you must do is tell the patient to sit down. You try it.
Student(To the patient) Sit down.
Patient I'm already sitting down.
Student Hes already sitting down.
Doctor Ah, this is a very common problem. If the patient is already sitting down, dont tell him to sit down.
Student Oh. (To the patient) Dont sit down.
Patient Oh. Right.
The patient stands up.
Doctor Sit down!
Patient Right.
The patient sits down.
Doctor Now, when the patient is sitting down, whats the first thing you should do?
Student Take his temperature?
She feels the patient's forehead.
Doctor No.
Student Feel his pulse?
She feels the patient's pulse (on his good arm).
Doctor No.
Student Tell him to say Aah?
Doctor Pardon?
Student Say Aah.
Doctor Aah!
Student No - him.
Doctor Himmm!
Student No! Tell him to say Aah.
Doctor Ah! Him! (To the patient) Say Aah.
Patient Pardon?
Doctor Say Aah.
Patient Aah.
Doctor Good!
Patient Actually, doctor, the problem is my arm
Doctor Now we can ask the patient some questions.
Student Questions?
Doctor Yes - and here they are.
The doctor gives the student-doctor a list of questions.
Doctor Go on - you can ask him the questions.
Student Oh. Right.
Doctor (To the patient) Now listen very carefully, because we have some very important questions for you.
Patient But doctor, the problem is -
Doctor (To the student-doctor) Read the first question.
Student Are you Mrs Elisabeth Robinson of 45 Shakespeare Avenue?
Patient No.
Doctor Correct.
Student Is this your first baby?
Patient What?
Doctor Try the next one.
Student What is the capital of Uruguay?
Patient Montevideo.
Doctor Correct. Well, there's nothing wrong with his South American geography.
Patient But doctor -
Doctor Youre fine. You can go now.
Student Doctor!
Doctor Yes?
Student I really think you should examine the patient.
Doctor Good idea.
The doctor places his stethoscope on the patient's chest.
Doctor Cough.
The patient coughs.
Doctor Cough.
The patient coughs.
Doctor Cough.
The patient coughs.
Doctor Cough.
The patient coughs.
Doctor Cough.
The patient coughs.
Doctor I know whats wrong with him.
Student What?
Doctor Hes got a cough.
Student Hes got a cough?!
Doctor Yes - and I, Doctor Watson, have got the answer.
The doctor produces a bottle of medicine from his pocket.
Doctor(Pointing at the bottle) Doctor Watson's Universal Cough Remedy.
Student Doctor Watsons Universal Cough Remedy?
Doctor Yes.
Student But what about his arm!
Doctor Er... (Pointing at the bottle again) Doctor Watson's Universal Cough and Arm Remedy.
Student Universal Cough and Arm Remedy'?
Doctor Yes - and this is how it works. He can drink it -
He makes the patient drink some of the medicine.
Patient Aaargh!
Doctor - but it tastes horrible. Or he can rub it on his back -
He rubs some of the medicine on the patient's back.
Doctor - but he must mix it with water first.
Patient Aa.. .aaa.. .aaargh!
Doctor As you can see, hes feeling much better now. All he needs is six months in hospital. Lets take him away.
Student Where? To the hospital?
Doctor No, to the bus stop. Come on!
The doctor and the student-doctor help the patient to his feet, and they all leave.