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The fire chief is in the fire station. Someone knocks loudly at the door.
Fire chief Come in!
Foggins comes in.
Foggins Don't panic!!!
Fire chief Can I help you?
Foggins Yes. I want a job.
Fire chief You want a job.
Foggins Yes. I want to be a fireman.
Fire chief You want to be a fireman?
Foggins That's right.
Fire chief Why do you want to be a fireman?
Foggins Well, I like smashing things - like doors, and windows,
and tables -Fire chief Well, I don't know…
Foggins Please!
Fire chief What's your name?
Foggins Foggins.
Fire chief Foggins?
Foggins Yeah, ‘Smasher' Foggins.
Fire chief Well, Mr Foggins, do you know anything about the
Fire Service? For example, what is the most important thing in a fireman's
equipment?
Foggins What is…the meaning of the word 'equipment'?
Fire chief Equipment…you know…things. What is the most
important thing a fireman's got?
Foggins His axe.
Fire chief Wrong.
Foggins What is it, then?
Fire chief His telephone.
Foggins His telephone?
Fire chief Yes, Foggins.
Foggins You can't smash doors with a telephone.
Fire chief That's right, Foggins. But when this telephone
rings, someone is in trouble. When this telephone rings, someone needs help.
When this telephone rings, someone needs the Fire Service.
The telephone rings. The fire chief answers it.
Fire chief Not now, I'm busy.
He puts down the telephone.
Fire chief (To Foggins) So, Foggins, the most
important part of our equipment is -
Foggins - the telephone.
Fire chief Right! OK, Foggins, I've got an idea. You can do
fire practice today with the new firemen. Would you like to meet them?
Foggins Yes, please.
Fire chief Good. Boggins!
Boggins comes in.
Boggins Sir!
Fire chief Coggins!
Coggins comes in.
Coggins Sir!
Fire chief Foggins, this is Boggins and Coggins. Boggins,
Coggins and Foggins. Coggins, Foggins and Boggins. Right - fire practice.
Question one. Boggins!
Boggins Yes, sir!
Fire chief Where do most fires start?
Boggins In a box of matches, sir.
Fire chief No. Coggins?
Coggins Don't know, sir.
Fire chief Foggins?
Foggins What was the question again?
Fire chief Where do most fires start?
Foggins At the fire station.
Fire chief No, Foggins. The answer is: In your house.
Foggins What?!
Fire chief Yes, Foggins. In your house.
Foggins Well, I'm not staying here, then.
Foggins goes towards the door.
Fire chief Where are you going?
Foggins I'm going home.
Fire chief Why?
Foggins You said most fires start in my house.
Fire chief Not in your house, Foggins. In everybody's house.
Boggins/Coggins - What?!
Foggins -
They panic. The fire chief blows his whistle.
Fire chief Look - don't panic It's just an expression. It means
'houses in general'.
Boggins/Coggins - Oh.
Foggins -
Fire chief Now, question two. Coggins!
Coggins Sir!
Fire chief What should you do if there's a fire in your house?
Coggins Go next door, sir.
Fire chief No, Coggins. You should call the Fire Service.
Coggins Ooh, good idea, sir.
Fire chief And that's where we start work. Because the most
important part of our equipment is
Boggins/Coggin/Foggins — the telephone!
Fire chief Right! Now, telephone practice. Boggins!
Boggins Sir!
Fire chief Give the telephone to Coggins.
Boggins Sir!
Boggins gives the telephone to Coggins.
Fire chief Coggins!
Coggins Sir?
Fire chief You are the telephone. Foggins!
Foggins What?
Fire chief You are the telephone bell.
Foggins What do you mean?
Fire chief When I blow my whistle, make a ringing noise.
Telephone practice - begin!
The fire chief blows his whistle. Foggins makes a noise like an ambulance.
Fire chief Not an ambulance, Foggins - a telephone! Start
again.
The fire chief blows his whistle again.
Foggins Ring, ring. Ring, ring.
Fire chief Boggins.
Foggins Ring, ring.
Boggins Yes, sir?
Foggins Ring, ring.
Fire chief The telephone's ringing.
Foggins Ring, ring.
Boggins No, it isn't sir.
Foggins Ring, ring.
Boggins It's Foggins, sir, He's going ‘Ring, ring', sir.
Foggins Ring, ring.
Boggins There you are, sir.
Fire chief Boggins, answer the telephone!
Foggins Ring, ring.
Boggins All right, sir.
Boggins picks up the telephone.
Foggins Ring, ring. Ring, ring.
Fire chief Foggins!
Foggins Ring - What?
Fire chief Stop it!
Foggins Brrrrrr.
Boggins Nobody there, sir.
Fire chief Let's start again.
Boggins puts down the telephone.
Fire chief Telephone practice - begin!
The fire chief blows his whistle again.
Foggins Ring, ring. Ring, ring.
Boggins picks up the telephone.
Boggins Hello?
Fire chief Fire station.
Boggins Oh, hello, fire station!
Fire chief No, Boggins! You are the fire station.
Boggins Oh, yes. Sorry, sir. Hello? Fire station.
Fire chief (In a high voice) Help! Help!
Boggins Is something wrong, sir?
Fire chief No, Boggins. I am an old lady. I'm an old lady, and
my house is on fire. That's why I'm calling the fire station.
Boggins I see, sir.
Fire chief Continue.
Boggins Hello, old lady. Can I help you?
Fire chief (In a high voice) Yes. There's a fire in my
kitchen.
Boggins OK. We're on our way.
Boggins puts down the telephone.
Boggins Was that all right, sir?
Fire chief Boggins, where is the fire?
Boggins In the old lady's kitchen, sir.
Fire chief Where is the old lady's kitchen?
Boggins In the old lady's house, sir.
Fire chief Where is the house?
Boggins Oh, dear!
The telephone rings.
Fire chief Foggins, stop making that noise.
Foggins It's not me - it's the telephone.
Fire chief Is it? Oh, right Coggins!
Coggins Sir?
Fire chief Answer the telephone.
Coggins Sir!
Coggins answers the telephone.
Coggins Yes…Yes…Yes…Yes…Yes…Yes. OK, we're on our way.
Coggins puts down the telephone.
Fire chief Very good, Coggins. What is it?
Coggins A fire, sir.
Fire chief Did you get the name?
Coggins Yes, sir.
Fire chief Did you get the address?
Coggins Yes, sir.
Fire chief Do you know how to get there?
Coggins Yes, sir.
Fire chief Right. Get in line and don't panic. This is your
first fire. Coggins, where's the fire?
Coggins In Railway Street, sir.
Fire chief In Rail - In Railway Street?!
Coggins Yes, sir.
Fire chief What number?
Coggins Number 44, sir.
Fire chief What?! Quick! Hurry up! Get out of here and do
something!
Foggins All right, all right - you said ‘Don't panic'.
Fire chief Never mind 'Don't panic'. Panic!
Boggins What's the matter, sir? It's just a house on fire.
Fire chief Yes, but it's my house! Panic!
They panic.
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