-
The Ministry of Health in Great Britain was much disturbed by a series of reports which indicated that the health of the nation was deteriorating. The statistics from a small village just to the north of Glasgow in Scotland, whose inhabitants had the shortest life expectancy in Europe, were particularly worrying.
The Minister of Health introduced a hard-hitting approach to the problem, dispensing with the softly-softly approach that had been relatively ineffectual in previous national health campaigns. He sent medical specialists round the schools and public halls of the country to talk to the people directly. The village to the north of Glasgow was seen as the most appropriate place to launch the campaign.
On the day of the meeting the village hall was packed. The men seemed to be in a celebratory mood and passed bottles of whisky to each other. The children stuffed their faces with chocolate and cakes. It was difficult to see the platform clearly as the air was thick with tobacco smoke. Dr. Feelgood, the country's leading medical expert, entered and screwed up his face as the acrid fumes reached his nostrils. On a large screen above the platform he projected a photograph of a group of healthy-looking Japanese fishermen and added that they subsisted on a staple diet of fish and vegetables. He then showed a photograph of a group of very obese and unhealthy-looking Japanese and explained that these Japanese had adopted western diets and consumed a lot of cakes and chocolate.
Dr. Feelgood said rhetorically, "And what does this prove to us, ladies and gentlemen?" After a few seconds of silence he added, "If you eat a lot of sugar, your health will suffer."
Dr. Feelgood turned to smoking. For dramatic effect he took out a glass container with a pink organ preserved in formaldehyde and placed it in front of him.
"This is a human lung. It is the lung of a non-smoker."
He then took out another glass container with a blackened object inside.
"This is the lung of a smoker, reduced in size, coated with tar, and riddled with cancer.
The owner died at thirty-five."
"And what does this prove to us, ladies and gentlemen?" After a few seconds of silence he added, "If you smoke, your life will be shorter."
Dr. Feelgood then turned to drink and alcoholic abuse. He filled a large glass with whisky. He produced a large earthworm from his pocket and dropped it into the whisky. The worm wriggled about for a few minutes then fell to the bottom of the glass and lay still.
Dr. Feelgood said rhetorically, "And what does this prove to us, ladies and gentlemen?"
Before he could continue a voice from the back of the hall said, "More whisky - no worms."
]]>