A post office in Britain The post office clerk A customer
Clerk Good morning.
customer does not react.
Clerk Good morning!
customer still does not react.
Clerk Can I help you?
Clerk Can I help you?
Customer I can't hear you!
Clerk Can I help you?!
Customer I can’t hear you. You're too far away.
Clerk Well, come over here.
Clerk Come over here!!-
Customer Come over there?
Customer I can’t. I've got to wait here.
Clerk No, you haven’t.
Customer Yes, I have. This sign says ‘Wait here'.
Clerk Yes, but you’re the only customer. So you can come over here!
Customer Oh. Right.
customer goes to the counter.
Clerk Now...can I help you?
Customer Can I send a parcel to Australia?
Clerk Yes, you can.
Customer Good. I want to send this to my daughter.
The customer produces a large parcel from her bag.
The parcel is shaped like a fish.
Clerk What's this? (Reading the label on the parcel)
‘Contents: One coffee-pot.' A coffeepot?
Clerk It doesn’t look like a
Customer Doesn't it?
The clerk bangs the parcel on the counter.
Customer Be careful!
Clerk And it doesn’t sound
like a coffee-pot. And... (Sniffing the parcel) ...it doesn’t
smell like a coffee-pot. It smells
like a fish.
Customer All right, all right, it’s a fish.
Clerk Well, I’ m sorry, you can’t send a fish by post.
Customer Why not?
Clerk Look. It’s in the book: ‘No food by post.’
Customer (Reading from the book) ‘No food by post.’ Food?! This
isn't food! This is Napoleon!
Customer Yes, Napoleon. He's my daughter’s fish. And my daughter lives in
Australia. That’s why I want to send him to Australia.
Clerk Well, you can’t send him by post.
Clerk Oh, all right. But there's no name on the parcel.
Customer Oh, sorry. (She starts writing) 'Nap-o-le-'
Clerk Not the name of the fish.
Your daughter’s name. What is your
Clerk Josephine. And what is her second name?
Clerk No - when I said ‘her second
name’, I meant her family name.
What is her family name?
Customer It’s the same as mine.
Clerk Yes. But what is it?
Clerk So...your daughter's name is Josephine Elisabeth Wellington.
Clerk Address. Where does she live in Australia?
Customer No. Ah, I remember - Vienna!
Clerk Vi enna's in Austria.
Customer That’s what I said.
Clerk No, you didn't. You said "Australia".
Customer Did I?
Clerk So this is going to Josephine Wellington in Vienna, Austria.
Customer Yes. How much is it?
Clerk That depends on the weight.
Customer Oh. OK.
The customer starts walking back to
the *Wait here* sign.
Clerk No! I didn't say (Indicating the sign) ‘wait'.
I said (Indicating the scales on the counter)
The clerk weighs the parcel.
Clerk Two and a half kilos. That’s £17.50.
Customer £17.50?! That’s very expensive.
Clerk Well, he is going by
Customer By air? Napoleon can't go by air!
Clerk Why not?
Customer He’s a fish, not a bird.
Clerk No, he's going on an aeroplane.
Customer On an aeroplane?
Customer How extraordinary! I'm
going on an aeroplane today.
Customer Yes. I'm going to visit my daughter.
Clerk Your daughter Josephine?
Clerk In Vienna?
Clerk Well, why don’t you take Napoleon with you?
Customer Take Napoleon with me?
Clerk Yes. On the aeroplane.
Customer Take Napoleon with me on the aeroplane?
Clerk Yes! To Vienna!
Customer Of course! Take Napoleon with me on the aeroplane to Vienna!
Customer And then when I get to Vienna...
Customer ...I can post him from there!
The customer picks up the parcel and leaves.